7-11 (To Love You All the Same)

On your birthday 
I wanted
To wish you well
          To tell
You that I
May have been hurt
But honey I've learnt
To love
Your endearing words

When full
          Of well
                   Meaning intent

To take
Your searing words
When void
           Of well
                    Meaning intent
In with
Understanding

The fears
          The anger
                    All the love and pain

From whence they came

And to love you
All the same

But you see
I
Was afraid
          It was not
The right time

To try
As though

          One could actually
Find a right time
To try
As though
          This love could ever be
                    All that easy

To express fully
While there
          May still be
So much left to say
Being shushed away

Out of convenience
We store
The refuse
In darkened shelves
Below the heart
Stacked
          Provisions
                    Precariously
                              Positioned
          Pernicious presumptions practiced
                                Precedent

                    Principles
          Pronouncing
Solar plexus shrieks scathing
Entrenched anxieties encountering
Agitations resurgent
Compelling one to
          Reliably
                    Refuse
                              Relations
          Running roads restless
                              Reacting
                    Rancorously
          Refracting
Intentions, ineptly intolerant
Yellow
          Untenable
                    Ideals
                             Easily
                    Ousting
          Affections
Yearning
Stacked
Below the heart
In darkened shelves
The refuse
We store
Out of convenience

To organize the (nearly) intangible
Ideas that inspire our dreams
We build compartments
To carry on
To say so long
To what can
And cannot come with us
As we follow the winds
Breathing in the direction
Of the oncoming air

Blowing
Out the candles
As you make a wish
On your birthday
And you resolve
In the new year
To make advances
To organize the (nearly) intangible
Ideas that inspire our dreams

As though
          One could actually
Find a right time
To try
As though
          This dream could ever be
                   All that easy
To live fully
While afraid
To try
To find the right time
          It will always
Be waiting
To be seen

Finding courage
In compassion

Trying not to ration
Servings of love
Espoused
Even withstanding despair
Dreams demand endurance
Determination and unrelenting reverence
No bounty is promised
From the present
A guarantee cannot be made
But the yearning can be stayed

I want
And I’m wanting
To wish you well
          To tell
You that I
Am afraid
I have been hurt
But honey I’ve learnt
To love
With wild abandon
Without compunction
As a reason to function
Regardless of a
Return
To let my passions
Burn
Understanding
The fears
          The anger
                   All the love and pain

From whence they came

And to love you 

All the same
Poem © - A. Bougie (8/29 - 9/21/2016)
Photo © Dan Tirrell - Dan Tirrell - FB (2018)