To have someone
Whose aches
I tried and longed to soothe
Say that they
Would want for me to lose
My life
At my own hand no less
I confess
Has opened up a wound
Now I’m trying
My hardest not
To let it consume
My psyche
Though it seems highly likely
I'll have to work through
This problem alone
Just another thing to harden
My aching heart of stone
©A. Bougie 9/17/2017
Inspiration comes from many unexpected sources...
I found out a guy I dated lied and his response was to say that I should go hang myself. I don't plan on hanging myself for the indiscretions of a dishonest person I had no guilt in. The thoughts of friends who had chosen suicide in the face of their pain and loneliness did rush into my mind however, along with the realization that I have or am dealing with very similar situations to those I knew who did give up. Despite my strength to stay among the living, I was pained greatly by being told that I should hang myself, especially coming from someone I had been falling in love with. Trying not to be jaded by the experience, but some things are easier said than done.
Thankfully so, (in this case particularly) as I was glad to tell the the man who suggested my suicide to be proper reaction upon discovering his infidelity- "Though I appreciate your friendly suggestion, I won't be hanging myself, thanks!"
Sunday, September 17, 2017
Wednesday, September 13, 2017
If You Ever Mean To Grow
You give me feels
I tried to fight it
(Well sort of, okay- not really)
You see I rather like it (and you)
But I want to work
Toward something worthy
Of my devotion
And I want to thank
The universe
When you clutch me in your arms
And so sweetly fall asleep
So I do
As loudly as I can in my mind
Every time
But I'm
Starting to feel
More like an object of convenience
Than affection
This is not the direction
Of the road I wish to travel
I can't deny
Sometimes it's a fun ride
But I am thirsting
For the water of life
And you’re leaving my mouth dry
So don’t patronise
You know we both
Deserve better than that
Waste of life
Please take me to safety
Don’t take me for granted
My heart is weary yet warm
I've learned how to weather a storm
In one piece
To release
That which would scathe
Rather than soothe
So what I want to know
Is if you ever mean to grow
Light
To make it bright
With me
Mutually
Or am I truly only worthy
In your eyes
Of this dim sum
With which you now drain me?
© A. Bougie 8/21/2017
I tried to fight it
(Well sort of, okay- not really)
You see I rather like it (and you)
But I want to work
Toward something worthy
Of my devotion
And I want to thank
The universe
When you clutch me in your arms
And so sweetly fall asleep
So I do
As loudly as I can in my mind
Every time
But I'm
Starting to feel
More like an object of convenience
Than affection
This is not the direction
Of the road I wish to travel
I can't deny
Sometimes it's a fun ride
But I am thirsting
For the water of life
And you’re leaving my mouth dry
So don’t patronise
You know we both
Deserve better than that
Waste of life
Please take me to safety
Don’t take me for granted
My heart is weary yet warm
I've learned how to weather a storm
In one piece
To release
That which would scathe
Rather than soothe
So what I want to know
Is if you ever mean to grow
Light
To make it bright
With me
Mutually
Or am I truly only worthy
In your eyes
Of this dim sum
With which you now drain me?
© A. Bougie 8/21/2017
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