Dreaming… (So Many Things)

I stopped
To watch
You sleep
As the sun rose
Up high
Rays of light
Permeate
The sky
Still a mystery- I
Don't know why
You remain
With your eyes closed
Rather than
Bathe yourself
In the warm light
Of love beaming

I hold hope
And so many things
Out of my control
So much light
I hope to
Take up flight
Off into the sun
This battle is one
I will not forget
You say there is
No more
I find
You still
Loving
The life that you will
Fill
With memories
Of graces
Filled
With time
Flowing
Out with the tide

This morning comes
Without asking
Like an
Unexpected guest
Wrapped
Wreathed
I pray
I breathe
I believe
So many things
I can't control
So many things
I try to hold
And be held
To feel whole
So fully empty
Cresting the brim
Filling more
Than should fit in
We learn
There can be no end
To what never did begin
So thus
This emptiness is filled
As light willed
The day into being

Still sleeping
You're not seeing
Your halo
Wrung around
Holding sound
Vibrations unbroken
Beneath the waves
Between the stars
Dreams,
Dreams with you
Breathing,
Breathing me in
An aroma
Indiscreet
Yet undisputed
Sanctity

Still with me
Still with me
These dreams
Of a fool
Tottering
Upon a broken stool
This precipice
This tower
This hour
Holds me in
Allows me to be
Forgiven
Though you
Won't let me in
Your chambers
Are locked
You've closed
The blinds
This love I find
Alone
Longing for a lift
Not just a
Fly by
In the night

I dreamt
To see
To be
Within your light
The same light
You see
But fight
Fearing
The searing
Rays
Flowing in
Unimpeded
As the love 

I gather

With it I
Suds up
And lather
Washing myself
Clean

I hold
The dream
I hold
The light
You hold
Your heart hidden away
Still sleeping
I wonder
What you're dreaming
I do

So divine
Is this time
Worth wishing
Worth waiting
On wings beating
Back the clouds
Bringing that feeling
Back around
Into circulation
Such connotation
Currently corralled
I remain proud
To be alive

© A. Bougie (8/3/2008) 

Colors (My Mother Was)

Purple, yellow-green and blue
(So funny these are now my favorite)
Colors
My mother was
When wheeled from a chamber
In the funeral parlor

This was the day
That I had dreadded
Not the birthday I'd expected
Seventeen
Like a fairy tale curse
Or a bad dream

Her body was
Lifeless and cold
Her dead eyes were closed
I kissed her cheek
Cut a lock of her hair
And learned
The true meaning of despair


© A. Bougie (original written December 2000 -edited- 11/12/2017)
Hard to believe it's now been 17 years since the day that inspired this. Still miss my Mom as much as ever.

7-11 (To Love You All the Same)

On your birthday 
I wanted
To wish you well
          To tell
You that I
May have been hurt
But honey I've learnt
To love
Your endearing words

When full
          Of well
                   Meaning intent

To take
Your searing words
When void
           Of well
                    Meaning intent
In with
Understanding

The fears
          The anger
                    All the love and pain

From whence they came

And to love you
All the same

But you see
I
Was afraid
          It was not
The right time

To try
As though

          One could actually
Find a right time
To try
As though
          This love could ever be
                    All that easy

To express fully
While there
          May still be
So much left to say
Being shushed away

Out of convenience
We store
The refuse
In darkened shelves
Below the heart
Stacked
          Provisions
                    Precariously
                              Positioned
          Pernicious presumptions practiced
                                Precedent

                    Principles
          Pronouncing
Solar plexus shrieks scathing
Entrenched anxieties encountering
Agitations resurgent
Compelling one to
          Reliably
                    Refuse
                              Relations
          Running roads restless
                              Reacting
                    Rancorously
          Refracting
Intentions, ineptly intolerant
Yellow
          Untenable
                    Ideals
                             Easily
                    Ousting
          Affections
Yearning
Stacked
Below the heart
In darkened shelves
The refuse
We store
Out of convenience

To organize the (nearly) intangible
Ideas that inspire our dreams
We build compartments
To carry on
To say so long
To what can
And cannot come with us
As we follow the winds
Breathing in the direction
Of the oncoming air

Blowing
Out the candles
As you make a wish
On your birthday
And you resolve
In the new year
To make advances
To organize the (nearly) intangible
Ideas that inspire our dreams

As though
          One could actually
Find a right time
To try
As though
          This dream could ever be
                   All that easy
To live fully
While afraid
To try
To find the right time
          It will always
Be waiting
To be seen

Finding courage
In compassion

Trying not to ration
Servings of love
Espoused
Even withstanding despair
Dreams demand endurance
Determination and unrelenting reverence
No bounty is promised
From the present
A guarantee cannot be made
But the yearning can be stayed

I want
And I’m wanting
To wish you well
          To tell
You that I
Am afraid
I have been hurt
But honey I’ve learnt
To love
With wild abandon
Without compunction
As a reason to function
Regardless of a
Return
To let my passions
Burn
Understanding
The fears
          The anger
                   All the love and pain

From whence they came

And to love you 

All the same
Poem © - A. Bougie (8/29 - 9/21/2016)
Photo © Dan Tirrell - Dan Tirrell - FB (2018)